Today has been one of those weeks where if I drank and wasn’t afraid of pain, I would have gotten bloody drunk and then killed my self. None of these things may sound like a big deal but put it together and I feel suffocated an unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t want to blog about this, but I currently can’t afford therapy.
Bob and I have to be out of “our” apartment by Monday. There is a lot of cleaning that I don’t want to do. It is hard to go into an apartment that housed most of the loving memories of Bob and I clean it and go home to an empty bed. Bob and I never had any relationship issues till I decided to move out. Now I wonder if moving out was worth the issues that it has caused. I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that moving back isn’t an option now… plus I wasn’t happy and that is why I moved out, so I don’t think that moving back would fix what is broken. I also know that moving out has caused a whole heap of problems. I’m trying to stay positive, but I’m so uncertain about the future that I can’t help but worry.
You can only imagine what moving has done for my new apartment.
Yesterday I weigh myself. My weight something that I have been ignoring since I told Bob I was moving. Mistake! I have put on 15 of the 25 pounds I have lost. Yesterday and today I claimed back on the bandwagon.
Today was icing on the cake. I got locked out of the house that I’m house-sitting for. It was such a fiasco to get back in and cost me $150 that I don’t have. I was so excited to get the extra cash from house-sitting. To have it cost me money put me in to tears.
Honestly I don’t know why I have been crying so much I think it is a mix of things. I just keep telling myself this too will pass. Someday I know I will wake up and not cry. I just wish that day were today.
